
Jess Discovers What’s Stopping Her From Writing
Case Study: A single session on motivation
Recently I worked with Jess, who wanted to start writing but was having trouble getting herself to do it. She told me at the beginning of the session that it was hard for her to get motivated, because she was already feeling fulfilled in the short term through her favorite hobby. In the long term, she knew she wanted to write, but she figured that she was just too content to feel the motivation for it!
Conflict gives way to confidence
As we moved into parts work, she found that one part of her wanted to live in the moment, and another part of her wanted her to do meaningful work that would pay off in the future. Though these parts were at odds with each other, we realized that both of them wanted her to “make the most of life,” but in different ways. As she saw that they had the same goal, and came to understand their points of view, they relaxed.
This relaxation gave way to a strong, sturdy sense of confidence that seemed to be just what she needed. She said “I’ve got this,” and felt energized to pursue her writing.
Jess’s deeper concern surfaces
As Jess considered taking on her writing tasks more concretely, she discovered a part of her that still doubted her. This voice in her head pointed out that she’s tried to write before, but not managed to follow through. As we brought curiosity to this part, it cut even deeper: “There are so many other people writing out there that are really talented. What do you have to contribute?”
I guided her to ask this part to notice the strong, sturdy sense of self she had found. The part immediately felt respect and admiration for this strong inner presence, and allowed her to go deeper inside to the part of her that felt unworthy.
Self-compassion melts away the concern
As she brought self-compassion to the part of herself that felt unworthy, it gave way to a sense of inherent worthiness that melted away the fear of what others might think of her. She ended the session feeling plenty of motivation to write.
The importance of addressing the right problem
Jess remarked how surprising it was to her to find out that she had been subconsciously avoiding writing out of a lack of confidence. She thought she knew the reason already, but there had been something else going on beneath the surface.
Deep insight beats shallow generalizations
This is one of the reasons I love doing parts work. If I were to give everyone who said they lacked motivation the same “5 Step Method to Increase Motivation,” it would only work for some people. Other people don’t lack motivation at all; like Jess, have competing motivations. If I tried to pump up one of those motivations, the other one would just push back.
In Jess’s case, for instance, hyping up her forward-looking “I should write” part would have upset her “enjoy the moment” part, because it was impossible for her to enjoy the moment while also engaging in an activity that subconsciously made her feel unworthy.
Showing the unworthy-feeling part that her worth is unconditional was the key to making it safe to feel motivated to write, but the first step towards that was to treat both the “I should write” part and the “enjoy the moment” part with respect and care, without playing favorites.
Deep insight is readily available
Incredibly, this kind of insight is readily available to many of us. Historically, people have fasted, taken drugs, gone into deep trances, and spent years on a psychoanalyst’s couch in order to access knowledge of their subconscious. But it’s actually pretty accessible when approached with open-hearted curiosity. It’s just that that curiosity is really rare in our culture. We’re trained to “already know” as much as possible, or to be analytical and investigatory, using a more judgmental or detached kind of curiousity.
Before I got into parts work, I thought I was incredibly introspective and self-aware. I didn’t realize that it was all coming from this analytical type of curiosity, which was ensuring that many of my inner doors were shut tight. Vulnerable parts of us don’t want to be analyzed, and they certainly don’t want to be judged. So they only show themselves to us when we bring the right kind of curiosity.
Accessing deep insight can be hard to do alone
Bringing open-hearted curiosity to the things we don’t like about ourselves is easier said than done, though! That’s why a big part of my job as a parts work coach is to guide people past their analysis and judgment and into that zone of open-hearted curiosity where their inner doors unlock. If you’d like my help with this so you can understand your reason for avoiding a task that’s important to you, sign up for an Exploration Session. They’re free during the month of March 2024.