How much do I need to know about IFS?

Very little! But I keep a blog on it because some people do want to understand it, and I find them running into the same misconceptions over and over again, so I’m working to present the material in a way that avoids those pitfalls. Also, people will occasionally ask for written material on IFS that’s more digestible than a whole book, and free. And finally, many of the books on IFS frame the concepts in the same way, so I’ve tried to go back to the drawing board and find new ways of presenting the ideas, because different perspectives help different people. My IFS Theory 101 and IFS Practice 101 series are good ways to get familiar with parts work.

If you find information about IFS overwhelming, though, there’s no need to power through! Knowing all the ins and outs is my job, not yours.

What I recommend people go in knowing is simply this:

We can interface with the mind by talking to one part of it at a time. This makes it easier to get out of cycles like “I want to go on vacation, but I don’t want my boss to think I’m not working hard enough. But if I don’t take a vacation I’ll burn out. But my boss doesn’t get it…” By just taking one “side” of your inner argument at a time, things get calmer and clearer, and we can understand each side much more deeply than usual.

There’s also a calm place inside of you, underneath both sides of whatever inner argument you’re dealing with. My goal is not just to separate out your parts, but also to ground you in that place inside of you. From there, you’ll have more perspective on your problems, and self-compassion will flow naturally.

I like to think of it like your mind is a flower, and we’re encouraging it to bloom, separating out all the petals and letting the sunny center shine through. It’s still all one flower, but we can appreciate it better when we see the whole thing.

Photo by Clarence E. Hsu on Unsplash